Runt's Rant Page |
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| A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in Stephenville. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!' The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to personally apologize, and the blonde yells, 'You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little runt on your lap!' |
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| During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital. |
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Out of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one of the best! Football FINALLY makes sense.......... A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!! |
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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" (Are you ready? This is a beauty...) My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL." |
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| A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO.....,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!!!! | ||
| The very first ever Blonde GUY joke... And well worth the wait! An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building...' The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off, too.' The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.' The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well. At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping... She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!' The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.' (Oh this is GOOD!) Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot made his own lunch!' |
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| We really have to quit picking on blondes. Yeah, sure we will... A Blonde's Year in Review. January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!! March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!" April - Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days . instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December - Couldn't call 911 .... "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!! |
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| A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he sighed................ "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box" |
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| Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware '
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| Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death... The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again." Bob took the money... |
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