Runt's Rant Page
Got a good bitch? Let's hear it. E-mail the Runt.
What can I add?
I do not like this Uncle Sam,
I do not like his health care scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks,
or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker, Nan ,
I do not like this 'YES WE CAN.'
I do not like this spending spree,
I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.
I do not like your smug replies,
when I complain about your lies.
I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it, nope, nope, nope!
Al Qaeda To Go On Strike
LONDON, 23 June — Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 20% this July from 72 to just 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers’ union (the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs, or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this action was unacceptable to its members, and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdul Amir told the press:
“Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth.”
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, where he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained:
“We sympathize with our workers’ concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are refusing to accept the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditures and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages, but otherwise I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”
Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle, Middlesbrough, Essex, and Australia stated that they would be unaffected, as there are no virgins in these areas anyway.
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings may be largely put down to the recent notoriety of the former White House correspondent, Helen Thomas. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.
DON'T RE-NIG !!
We've just heard that the Obama Administration will be honoring the 43rd President of the United States by naming the gap between the tectonic plates beneath Haiti after him.
The area will now officially be referred to as "Bush's Fault."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it...
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it..... God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"You're with the
"GOVERNMENT"
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed."
spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This
is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the
benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was
to have a quick contest.
THE THEME: Viagra advertising slogans.
The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally
written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations were acceptable.
About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and
created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the
week went very well for everyone! Talk about raising the morale of employees..
But, isn't that the purpose of Viagra ~~~ raising?
The top 10 were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to
be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.
My personal favorite:
Viagra, For when you want to send the very best.
How the Democrats Destroyed the American Economy
It seems that once again all us white folks have missed a great opportunity.
While the Black people attended Obama's inauguration and parades, we should have broken into their homes and gotten all our shit back.
copyright, 3/24/09
to be homosexual, then it became optional.
I'm getting out before Obama makes it mandatory."
GySgt Harry Berres, USMC
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
An Alternative Approach to Preventing Terrorist Attacks
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Barack Obama recently informed us that if we don’t commit to the war effort in Afghanistan to the tune of 30,000 additional troops, al-Qaeda will take over Afghanistan and turn it into a training ground for terrorists. They would then presumably come here and kill more of us like they did on 9/11.
A more sensible solution might be to simply stop granting al-Qaeda operatives visas to come to America in the first place. All nineteen of the 9/11 terrorists had government-issued visas. How would they have gotten here without them? As desert dwellers, they probably wouldn’t have been capable of swimming across the ocean, and if they managed to construct some ragtag ships, surely our Navy could have spotted and stopped them before they got ashore. Theoretically, they could have snuck in across the Mexican or Canadian borders. Therefore, instead of sending 30,000 more of our young men and women into a war in the armpit of the world, couldn’t they instead just stay here and prevent future attacks by guarding our borders?
Some concerns with this plan are:
1) How do we know who to refuse visas to?
The answer is anyone that is an Arab Muslim. This will involve some racial and ethnic profiling, which members of some political groups (that aren’t on their way to Afghanistan) may find more horrific than war. This moratorium on Arab Muslim visas can be lifted once the jihad is over.
2) If our troops secure the borders, how will nannies and gardeners be able to come to America?
They will have to enter the U.S. legally by filling out an immigration application. This policy change will upset the political groups that fail to understand that there is nothing wrong with Mexico that the Mexicans can’t fix.
3) What about terror cells already in the United States?
Sending more troops to Afghanistan won’t get rid of them. Homeland Security will have to do its job.
4) If we pull out of Afghanistan, won’t it be taken over by al-Qaeda?
Maybe, but since the President announced our withdrawal timeline, al-Qaeda operatives will just hide in the mountains or get some R&R in Iran until we leave and take over anyway. We can’t save Afghanistan unless we’re prepared to stay there indefinitely or to neutralize Iran.
5) Americans want Osama bin Laden’s head. What about our revenge?
Give it up. Osama’s head isn’t worth the life of one more American soldier. Besides, the spread of Islam and its militant faction is a numbers game we can’t win. Let’s cut our losses now and concentrate on protecting our homeland.
Please consider this politically incorrect but more cost-effective and practical alternative to war, and bring it up with your congressman.
Michael R. Rhodanz (retired engineer)
HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your computer
2. Name it 'Nancy Pelosi'
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin
4. Empty the Recycle Bin
5. Your PC will ask you: ' Do you really want to get rid of 'Nancy Pelosi'?
6. Firmly Click ' Yes. '
7. Feel better ?
****
If you have any objections to the contents within, kindly, kiss my ass!