Runt's Rant Page
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DON'T RE-NIG !!
The Gold Medal has been awarded to Barack Obama as it was
determined that he is going DOWNHILL faster than her!!!
We've just heard that the Obama Administration will be honoring the 43rd President of the United States by naming the gap between the tectonic plates beneath Haiti after him.
The area will now officially be referred to as "Bush's Fault."
in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children
are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and
correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta
here. I'm pretty smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham
Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther
King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for
you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F.
Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer
to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these
bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it...
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it..... God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"You're with the
"GOVERNMENT"
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get screwed."
spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This
is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the
benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was
to have a quick contest.
THE THEME: Viagra advertising slogans.
The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally
written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations were acceptable.
About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and
created a Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the
week went very well for everyone! Talk about raising the morale of employees..
But, isn't that the purpose of Viagra ~~~ raising?
The top 10 were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to
be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.
My personal favorite:
Viagra, For when you want to send the very best.
How the Democrats Destroyed the American Economy
It seems that once again all us white folks have missed a great opportunity.
While the Black people attended Obama's inauguration and parades, we should have broken into their homes and gotten all our shit back.
copyright, 3/24/09
A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
Health Care Reform
If Obama wants to really reform health care, he should get the lawyers out of the Medical Profession. The average Doctor spends $100,000 a year on malpractice insurance, to protect themselves from bottom feeding, ambulance chasers that have never contributed anything to society. This cost is passed on to us. Our Doctors are the brightest and best trained in the world. Why is it that we think that they should never have a bad day or ever make a mistake? When they screw up, I want them reeducated or thrown out of the Medical Profession. What I don’t want is some lawyer getting rich off someone else’s misery, while allowing a bad Doctor to continue practicing medicine.
Any individual that is aiding in the health care of another, that is professionally licensed, should be protected under the new
Obama Health Care Reform Act
This Act will protect them from litigation of any sort. A Review Board will be established so the medical community can police themselves. They don't want bad Doctors anymore than we do. They will establish a system of reimbursement for individuals that were injured due to negligence. This will be funded by the medical community. The amount contributed by each entity will depend on the claims of the previous year. Doctors might stand bad Doctors but they sure as hell won't pay for one. Anyone that costs them money will be looking into a new line of work.
This will also let the medical community control some of their costs such as medications. World trade will bring the pharmaceutical companies into line. We've out-sourced everything else.
Life is dangerous. Remember, when it bit you on the ass, you went running to them. In case you haven't noticed, your Doctor is spending more time covering his ass, than he is yours. Give them what they need to do their job correctly and efficiently. We are all responsible for the state this country is in. It's time we did something right.
The Runt
Adrian Rogers, 1931
An Alternative Approach to Preventing Terrorist Attacks
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Barack Obama recently informed us that if we don’t commit to the war effort in Afghanistan to the tune of 30,000 additional troops, al-Qaeda will take over Afghanistan and turn it into a training ground for terrorists. They would then presumably come here and kill more of us like they did on 9/11.
A more sensible solution might be to simply stop granting al-Qaeda operatives visas to come to America in the first place. All nineteen of the 9/11 terrorists had government-issued visas. How would they have gotten here without them? As desert dwellers, they probably wouldn’t have been capable of swimming across the ocean, and if they managed to construct some ragtag ships, surely our Navy could have spotted and stopped them before they got ashore. Theoretically, they could have snuck in across the Mexican or Canadian borders. Therefore, instead of sending 30,000 more of our young men and women into a war in the armpit of the world, couldn’t they instead just stay here and prevent future attacks by guarding our borders?
Some concerns with this plan are:
1) How do we know who to refuse visas to?
The answer is anyone that is an Arab Muslim. This will involve some racial and ethnic profiling, which members of some political groups (that aren’t on their way to Afghanistan) may find more horrific than war. This moratorium on Arab Muslim visas can be lifted once the jihad is over.
2) If our troops secure the borders, how will nannies and gardeners be able to come to America?
They will have to enter the U.S. legally by filling out an immigration application. This policy change will upset the political groups that fail to understand that there is nothing wrong with Mexico that the Mexicans can’t fix.
3) What about terror cells already in the United States?
Sending more troops to Afghanistan won’t get rid of them. Homeland Security will have to do its job.
4) If we pull out of Afghanistan, won’t it be taken over by al-Qaeda?
Maybe, but since the President announced our withdrawal timeline, al-Qaeda operatives will just hide in the mountains or get some R&R in Iran until we leave and take over anyway. We can’t save Afghanistan unless we’re prepared to stay there indefinitely or to neutralize Iran.
5) Americans want Osama bin Laden’s head. What about our revenge?
Give it up. Osama’s head isn’t worth the life of one more American soldier. Besides, the spread of Islam and its militant faction is a numbers game we can’t win. Let’s cut our losses now and concentrate on protecting our homeland.
Please consider this politically incorrect but more cost-effective and practical alternative to war, and bring it up with your congressman.
Michael R. Rhodanz (retired engineer)
How To Fix The Economy Patriotic retirement There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $ 3 million apiece severance with the following stipulations: 1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed. 3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed Total amount committed -$120 billion -- Considerably less than the "stimulus package". The Runt
HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your computer
2. Name it 'Nancy Pelosi'
3. Send it to the Recycle Bin
4. Empty the Recycle Bin
5. Your PC will ask you: ' Do you really want to get rid of 'Nancy Pelosi'?
6. Firmly Click ' Yes. '
7. Feel better ?
****
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.
So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change, I gave it to them.
I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.
Thank you.
The Runt
If you have any objections to the contents within, kindly, kiss my ass!